


Remember Logic...?

by Nicerockinkid



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Background Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background Deceit | Janus Sanders, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Background Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24427090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicerockinkid/pseuds/Nicerockinkid
Summary: What to do when you're woken up by someone else's intrusive thoughts? Remus know what to do! ...Right?
Comments: 19
Kudos: 206





	Remember Logic...?

**Author's Note:**

> Please take caution when reading! It's real dark, and I tried to stay somewhat In-Character, so that might help a bit as to what to expect from Remus! Please tell me if I need to add another tag, I'll gladly do so! :D

Logan’s had enough. All of Thomas’ recent predicaments have involved _emotions_ , the _one_ area that Logan lacked in. No matter how _desperately_ he tried to understand how to handle emotions, _he just couldn’t_ . He knew the dangers of repression and what it would cause, but he still repressed his own emotions. The last thing he wanted was being told that he was only _faking_ his repression, too.

One day, he had enough. Thomas, Patton, Roman, Janus, and even _Virgil_ were all arguing about _another_ emotional matter at hand. Logan had stopped appearing in videos, Janus having taken his role as the “logical” one, and no one even called for Logan. Again. 

He wrote his note while they were all in what seemed like the middle of their argument. First jotting down ideas, making sure to include just the perfect amount, but not too much. Then came writing the letter, but he didn’t like how small his handwriting was, so he wrote the entire thing again. And again. Third time the charm? Nope, that never works. The fourth one came out just perfect, so that would be the last thing he wrote. By the time he finished setting up the letter, it seemed like the others were starting a new argument based off of the last. 

It was finally time to set up his grand finale, as Roman would most likely say.

\-----------

_Who would care if I killed myself?_

_What would it matter if I killed myself?_

_Should I also stab myself, or would that be too much of a mess for them to clean up?_

_I might try a little self-harm before I go through, just to make sure this is real…_

\-----------

Being woken up by all the thoughts, Remus was surprised that these weren’t his own. Normally he _adored_ the darkness of them, adding on to make things more morbid, but _these_ kinds of intrusive thoughts picked at his intestines weird. Made his head noodle quiver around, causing a headache.

_Who the fuck is tryin’a take my job?_

At first, Remus thought of Virgil! So he went to his room, but no Virgil.

_Okay then, where is h- oh, with Thomas._

Taking a peak at the now-hearable commotion, there was Virgil! But he didn’t look depressed. Wasn’t crying, like the person who had the intrusive thoughts was. Wasn’t in a room, like the person crying was. Weird! 

Remus looked around the room more. There was Thomas, looking stressed, but not crying, so not him. Virgil, but it was already not him, so no’s goes! Roman, yelling, so not him. Patty Mattie, looking _concerned_ , but not crying. Also it seemed like the person who had these thoughts was doing something right now, but Patty Wagon is just standing still, so no. JD? Nah, he’s yelling at Roman now. Lo-

Oh. That’s who! Good old Lo Poke! Who isn’t here! Let’s go see him!

\-----------

_I can barely breathe._

_My body is pleading for me to heal._

_I can feel my body crying for this to end._

_Is this what happens when you try to disappear to the subconscious?_

_I’m trying to stab myself for a third time, but I drop the knife as I weakly tap my chest._

_Oh god who is that._

_Remus? Why are you screaming?_

_Are you crying? Why?_

_The knife! Yes! Give it to me!_

_There! I just needed him to give it to me._

_There’s lucky number three._

_Finally!_

_I guess lucky number three works after all-_

_Wait, what are you doing?_

_No! Don’t cut the rope!_

_Stop! Give me that knife!_

_No! Remus what are you doing? This isn’t like you!_

_Smile! You like blood! You like death!_

_You said it was one of your favorite smells in the world!_

_No! I don’t need that!_

_Remus! No!_

_Yes! Give me those pills!_

_I can’t talk, just give them to me!_

_No, wait yes!_

_I’ve got them!_

_I don’t need water, Remus stay away!_

_Aha! Pills down!_

_Remus stop! I’m not going to cough up the pills!_

_Stop crying!_

_Smile!_

_No! I don’t need to be healed!_

_No! I’m not going to heal myself!_

_Stop crying!!_

_The note! Read it and you’ll understand!_

_Stop!_

_Remus please!_

“ _Smile…_ ”

_I said I’d give you my organs when I die, remember?_

“ _Remember…_ ”

_Don’t cry! I’ll be fine!_

_I’ll just go to sleep, and you won’t have to worry!_

_Just go…_

“ _I’ll be fine…_ ”

\---------------

_The colors._

_His eyes…_

_Wait no nO NO NO-!_

“ _LOGAN WAKE UP! PLEASE! FOR FUCK’S SAKE LOGAN DON’T FUCKING DIE ON ME! FUCKING_ **_WAKE UP!!!_ **”

_I’M SHAKING HIM!_

_PEOPLE WAKE UP WHEN SOMEONE SHAKES THEM, RIGHT?! THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS, RIGHT?!?_

“ _LOGAN_ **_PLEASE!_ **”

_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE-_

The little brain logo that haunted Logan’s polo disappeared, leaving Remus with a corpse in his arms. 

He’s held a _number_ of corpses before, but _never_ felt so terrified of them until now. Something about the way Logan’s bloodied, bruised, and unloved body pulled at Remus’ heart muscles in a way that stopped his every thought. 

_Is this why that one thought about killing Thomas’ brother crossed the line?_

There was something about Logan’s corpse that brought a flaming blizzard of emotions through Remus. He’d _cloned_ all the other sides before. Killed _clones_ of the others in his side of the imagination _countless_ times before when he was upset at them! But there was something, _weird,_ about holding their _actual_ corpse. Sure, He’d only killed Logan’s clone the least, he still didn’t feel weird about _holding_ his _clone’s_ corpse.

_But this is the real-dealio_.

This was supposed to be the greatest thing that could happen to Remus! _Finally_ , something that he did in his imagination realm came to _life_!

But, it’s not _like_ that now.

This was someone who actually made Thomas _understand_ **_who_** he _was_! Logan made Thomas _accept_ Remus! Logan was the reason Remus was even _allowed_ to have a new room!

Logan gave so much for Remus, _but Remus couldn’t return the favor_.

Logan held Remus, patching up his wounds after a really bad breakdown when no one else did.

_And Remus just couldn’t do the same_.

Remus finally looked away from the ever-bleeding body he still held, looking at the scrambled mess of bandages and the tossed remains of the first-aid kit he found. He looked at the razor blade that was not too far away, lying bloodied and on the floor alongside the mess. He looked over at the knife that Remus thought Logan was gonna use to cut himself free with.

_He didn’t think Logan was going to stab himself_.

He just thought that the bloody knife was going to be used to cut him free! Of course! Because that makes _PERFECT_ sense in Remus’ head!

He was about to smack himself on the forehead, but forgot that he was still clutching onto Logan’s corpse. He thought of letting go, but decided against it. 

It was a moment longer, sitting in the silence of his own breathing and the stillness of the lost side in his arms, that Remus remembered something. During the midst of the panic, he vaguely remembered Logan pointing to something on the table.

With a bit of difficulty, he held on to Logan and he stood. Shaky, but still walked over to the table.

Oh. There was a note. Duh.

Remus stood still as he read the note. The handwriting was small, but big enough that he didn’t have to put Logan down to get glasses. The note took up the entire page perfectly. Three paragraphs, formal font, signed and all. It talked about how he would be better off in the subconscious, seeing as now-a-days the only problems Thomas has are emotional one, and how Thomas didn’t _need_ him anymore.

Remus let himself fall to his knees after he reread the note. 

Remus let himself cry, clutching onto Logan’s body. 

Remus thought back to Roman, and those Disney movies. Hoping that his tears would bring Logan back.

He sat there and cried.

And cried. 

Then he stopped.

He doesn’t remember how long he’d been crying for, but then he remembered.

_He wasn’t the only one who Logan talked about in the letter_.

There was a small spark of rage that started to build up inside of Remus. One that, no matter how hard he tried, wouldn’t go further than the strength of a small match. But that was okay. He was tired, and accidentally helped someone kill themself. He didn’t mean to help them _that_ way, but that’s what happened.

He was tired. Mad, sure! But also tired.

He didn’t bother to prop up Logan’s arm, that swung limply down, back onto his chest. There was no need to make Logan look pretty for the others. There was no way to make this pretty, so he didn’t try. Remus waited until his tears finally went away before he left Logan’s room, still holding onto him.

\-----------------------

As Remus’ tear-stained face arrived in Logan’s spot, the argument that was _still_ occurring had come to a sudden halt, all eyes looking now at the corpse in his arms, petrified. Remus looked Janus dead, waiting for the eye-contact to be shared. When the pale-faced snake finally looked back, all Remus’ whisper rake of a voice said was,

  
“ _He killed himself. Are you all happy now ?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Are you...? :)


End file.
